Mode Change
I think that I have thought a lot already of how I want to be in the world. I think that I have a pretty good idea, and that idea is at a higher level of a general set of feelings. But it is important to get specific as well.
I have recently started listening to the videos in the mmtcp course toward improving the course. I did some of it today. And while looking at it and thinking about it, I felt the internal fear and worry. It was "now that I see these flaws, how do I fix this and will the fix be good enough? will I get it right? ... and if I do not get it right, then I would have wasted time and all of the income would stop and I would have fucked it up really well".
Can I work differently? Can I believe in myself? In the light of the objective evidence, shouldn't I believe in myself? I should. Can I instead work with love, joy and curiosity as opposed to fear and worry?
And specifically now, can I update the mmtcp course with the confidence that it indeed will get better, that I will make it much better? That's what I want. That's exactly what I want. I think that I may have to treat it like coming back to the breath during meditation. I have to keep coming back to love, joy and curiosity when my mind strays to fear and worry.