I Give You Permission
Let's have a look at yesterday. Let me get all of these thoughts out of my mind and down here. My inside feels poisoned. I need to purify it.
I completed the MQTT course and launched it. It is not perfect. I will find out soon enough what is lacking and correct it. If the rating goes low, then I will take action and get it back up again. I have done it before and I will do it again. In fact, there may be no other way to do it. All of my best courses have taken that trajectory.
And the worry? That I will not be able to change it fast enough and I will get a bad reputation, that the rating will go down too low. And the next worry? That I will spend too much time on updating existing courses and not make any new ones, and then revenue will continue to falter.
I am now thinking that maybe I am being a bit like Dad. I am afraid that if I take the time to do something different that might not work, that I will neglect what kind of works, and make a mess of things.
But there is no other choice then, than to try things that might not work. It's more than making space for things that might not work. Doing that which might not work is what will allow me to thrive in the long term. It is more than part of the deal, it is the core of the deal.
Yesterday I was anxious. Lots and lots of spinning around. Lots and lots of friction. All for nothing. I have enough of a cushion to make art with joy, to make art without fear, to make art without anxiety. If there is not enough money now, then there will never be enough money ever.