Good Work
I did the new promo video for the mm485 course a little while ago, and I recently completed the new promo video for the mmtcp course. I think that the videos are very well done. Even Paul expressed this. Now I have started on the evaluation and update of the mmtcp course, and once again I am engaged with the work in a worried and frenzied manner, as if there is a real deadline imposed by some external force. But there is neither a deadline nor an external force. It's all me.
In looking at the first few videos, I am seeing the flaws in the course immediately, and they are the "omg, what the hell is this!" kind of flaws. But yet the course has a rating of 4.6, and that's real. With all of the krappiness that I am noticing now, it still is maintaining a rating above 4.5. That says something, that the persons doing the course don't see these flaws in the same manner that I see them. If they did, the course would have a rating of anywhere between 3.6 and 4.2.
I know why I feel this way. I do. It's from the self-preservation side of me and I should be thankful for it, for it saved me. I want to express my gratitude for it. But now it does not have to save me again. I am safe. That is the objective reality. I actually am safe. So now I can work in a different way, a way that can honour my creativity, that can allow me to find joy in the work, and to do the work slowly. At the end of a project, or task, or milestone, I should look at the work and say that this is good work.
My course ratings are still very good and I get a fair number of great compliments on LinkedIn, so that means that, objectively, I have to be doing something right. I have to be doing good work.