Examining Meltdown and Panic Attack
8:24 am. Thursday 6th August. This morning I am giving myself some space. I can do so because I have worked really hard and been very intentional with designing my life in a certain way. So I deserve it.
Yesterday I think I had a bit of a meltdown, and probably a panic attack. This morning I am still feeling some of the side effects of it. My mind is very scattered, and focusing feels like a challenge. I am hoping that this writing helps.
What is the reality? What exactly is the actual situation as opposed to the one that I am conjuring? I can't live in the future and I can't live in the past. That's simply impossible. Figuratively, every single day is it's own separate piece of real estate that is bounded by two walls. On the other side of the first wall is the future, and on the other side of the second wall is the past.
All that I can do is to operate within my block of real estate. That's all. I can't cross the wall into the past, neither the future. That's impossible. The past is there but I can't influence it again. The future is there and I can, however, influence its landscape. But it is only through actions that I can do this. Over-thinking, ruminating, worrying, panicking ... all of these things will do damage and will have no benefit.
How can all of this be done? It's difficult but very simple. Outline a block of time in the day for vacay planning actions, then do the work in that block as best as you can, write everything down, then close it off. Close it off and leave it off until the next day when another block opens up again. Out of the realm of the block, do nothing that has to do with the vacay. Nothing! Because it deserves nothing outside of the block. It must not be given more than its fair share. And so far it has gotten more than its fair share. So far it has caused me serious harm. It has to be tamed and managed. It must be just another project.
That's what I have to do today. Let's go slowly. Life is too short and too precious for thoughts to mess it up. Because all they are in the end are thoughts. Small insignificant things that we give too much power to.
Remember Avicii. All of that talent done in by thoughts.
OK so slowly now, slowly.